Saturday, 31 October 2015

coretan peribadi.

dah lama tak meluah perasaan.
aku perasan.
aku sendiri tak sedar betapa banyak benda yang aku pendam.

in many ways,
aku tak boleh nak regret yang aku dapat pindah balik ke kl.

kerja sucks for the first few months.
tempat baru, adjustment period.
sape tak kenal dengan working place aku kot.
notoriously known, and not in a good way. haha.

tapi aku belajar banyak gile benda,
knowledge yang aku mungkin tak dapat kat tempat lain.
banyak lagi benda yang aku tak tahu.

kat muar dulu, aku rasa terlebih awesome.
i was good at what i do, and aku rasa takde orang boleh sangkal.

kat sini aku lebih neurotic.
lebih kelam-kabut, can you imagine. hahahaha.
sebab determined tak nak buat mistake, with my limited knowledge.

it's a humbling experience.

aku kenal ramai gile kawan baru.
kawan yang i've learnt to love,
despite perangai masing2 yang macam2.

kawan yang put such an impact on my life,
aku seriously tak boleh imagine life without them anymore.

almost every night dan every weekend kitorang keluar beraktiviti, hahaha.
aku rasa macam hidup kembali,
lepas setahun terperuk kat muar.
marathon, walkathon.
kayak, boling, movies.
paling selalu, pingpong dan badminton.

pingpong tu kitorang open table kat hospital je.
badminton, once or twice a week.
3 weeks back, pergi melaka.
next week, pergi ipoh.

i am having the time of my life outside of work.

despite my ongoing internal crisis,
aku rasa macam life is worth living again.

don't get me wrong, i love my year in muar. i still do.
but you've got to admit, muar tu bosan kot. haha.
keje yang best, sebab tu aku obsessed dengan keje.

kat sini, keje tu..... hmmmm.
but i have amazing friends.

...

i'm sorry for all my shortcomings, people.
i'm not perfect.
aku lagi selalu selfish daripada considerate.
aku lagi selalu lose temper daripada bersabar.
i am trying to better myself.
i really am.

please bear with me, okay.

:)

Thursday, 22 October 2015

feelings

when you find yourself having 'feelings'
and every day, you picture your heart
and mentally scrape off the parts
that don't belong to you anymore.

i'm not yet ready to fall in love.
but sometimes.. sometimes,
you find yourself falling anyway.

this is futile, but i'm persistent.

i have to remind myself at times
that i'm just a normal human being;
to love and be loved
is only deeply human.

it's not yet the right time.
wait.
keep your pokerface on.
hide your feelings.
because this is temporary.