Saturday, 20 December 2014

life's dreams

most often than not, in life we have to choose.
there's no one i know who has everything he or she could possibly want.

i want to travel.
i want to leave my footprint in every possible place on Earth.
i want to know people
and learn something from them.

i also want children.
this --
has been my dream since i was a child myself.

i can't choose between them.
choosing to have children means that
i have to get married some way or another,
and sacrifice my travel dreams for my kids.

because what kind of mother would i be 
if i go around the world leaving young children at home?
my heart hurts just thinking about it.

(i'm not judging those who do,
i just don't think i can do it.)

and there's also my long conflict with the concept of marriage.
personally, i don't think i can ever be good enough for another person,
let alone mothering a child.
you want, doesn't mean you can.
i cannot be ashamed to admit that i am not all that responsible.

if there's one thing that sedates me, it's routine.
and bringing up a child requires routine.
you have to bathe them, feed them,
educate them, entertain them,
and love them, 
among others.
i'm only certain that i can love them.
the rest, who knows.
i sure don't.

the ultimate battle is this, then:
responsibility vs freedom.
each has its treasure,
the same holds true for its empty pit.

it seems to me that right now, i will follow life as it leads me.
ie i am quite happily alone now,
so travel it is.

what worries me is if someone manages to capture my heart again sometime in the future;
what will i do then?

Sunday, 14 December 2014

anatomy



how do you know that you truly love someone?

when that person breaks your heart and leaves you to mend it yourself
and still,
still...
you can't hate them.

...

time and circumstance have taught me
that when you love someone, you have to set them free.
they were never yours to have.
borrowed, maybe, if you are lucky.

beware
you will break again
when they find love elsewhere.
and the nature of love
remains letting go.
loving from afar, unknown;
such a sweet torture.
thoughts given
are never returned.

this is what it feels like
to love with a closed heart.
tightly clutching the remaining pieces
while chasing after the ones you've lost.

trying to hold myself together
but what do i own?
these splintered pieces
are too unsightly for show.

Saturday, 13 December 2014

travel bug


added a list of 'have-beens' and 'will-be' on the sidebar.

some of the places in my wishlist seems a bit typical and cliché, i agree.
(paris? london? duh.)
but these are the places i've been dreaming of visiting since i was in high school,
and even grown up they hold a certain attraction.

maybe once i've been there i'll get over it,
but seeing as i've never been so i want to go.


truth be told, on the inside i'm a city girl.
but i do enjoy escapades to the country.

i've only been to a few places,
but i'm grateful to say that i can add more to the list.

i've always thought that i would be too poor to travel:
i don't have trust funds and my dad isn't a Dato'.
flight tickets cost a bomb and i don't even like flying.
but i was in australia when i fully realized the magnitude of the words:
looking at a picture and reading about a place isn't the same as experiencing it,
not at all.


because how would i describe the taste of butter in australia?
or the smell of perfumes i caught in sydney?
or the colour of red cherries split open by my teeth?
or a refuge of cold wind and grey sky in byron bay 
after the searing heat of gold coast?

my wishlist might seem so naive, then
but once i'm over with a place i'll be craving another,
and before i knew it
i've travelled half the world.
:)


i guess i won't share my travel pictures on fb because i don't want to seem showy.
they'll be here, where they'll be found by the people who are looking for them.

you can always give excuses,
that's why people always say they want to travel the world
but only some really do it.

i have money issues, too.
but i guess i just have to save and save
and spend them when i start my journey.
wish me luck.

:)

i am a proud INFP!


it's a known fact that
there are more extroverts than introverts in this world.
if you feel like you don't belong anywhere most of the time:
you probably are one.

INFP is a type in Myers-Briggs Type Indicator;
we are the dreamers,
the idealists,
the healers.

INFP is also one of the rarer types.
there's only about 4-5% INFPs in this world.
(according to wiki)


i'm not a hardcore introvert.
i still don't like parties, 
and i don't like being in a place full of strangers.
but i can socialize when i want to.
i don't like small talks,
but i learned how to deal with one.

most people don't share their deepest feelings when they first meet somebody.
in order to know someone, you have to peel their layers.
that first layer might be a bore,
but the layers beneath might be a wonder.
so i deal with the bore to uncover the wonders.


i talk non-stop sometimes.
(and i don't like it.)

in this world, us introverts at some point will feel like we're just not good enough.
simply because we can't make friends,
at least not like the others.

i'm still so awkward with people.

but instead of befriending everyone,
i get to choose the people i love
and stick to them.
to INFPs, loyalty is sacred,
we love beyond reason.
even though we might not know how to show it.

understanding that there are other 15 types of people out there
makes me not easily judgmental.
i dig around people's backgrounds
and connect the dots
and try to be more understanding
(most of the time.)
:P


i'm not an easy person, i admit.
i try to hide everything that i think of inside my brain,
unless i'm really, really sure that people won't be freaked out.

i'm not special, even though i want to be.
i'm not even smart,
even though i really want to be.

the greatest insult you can throw at me is not:
'you're ugly',
but
'you're a bore'.

i might be ugly,
i might be stupid,
but i definitely am not a bore.

you can't imagine the worlds i have created in my mind.

the key to my heart is the key to my mind.
astound me;
i don't care for looks or materials
but i crave knowledge.

welcome to my world.

Friday, 12 December 2014

to love is

i miss being in love.

mood:
post-TFiOS.

:)

but a matured person will say:
love is a responsibility.
and i'm not sure i can handle it just yet.

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

aussie - extras

being the one holding the camera,
i don't get featured in too many pictures.
i've always preferred candid pictures,
they look more natural -
no 'peace' signs 
(i still do it just so i have something to do with my hands)
and no forced smiles

these are from another camera - a Sony point-and-shoot:
some 'extras'
:)







































Monday, 8 December 2014

pros and cons of traveling with a motorhome

picking up the motorhome

we travelled from melbourne to gold coast in this baby. the journey took us 4 days, which is a short time to cover over 1500 km o.O

day 1 melbourne - albury
day 2 albury - canberra - shellharbour
day 3  shellharbour - sydney - port macquarie
day 4 port macquarie - gold coast

i recommend this itinerary only for those who can tolerate being in a motorhome for about 8 waking hours a day (i slept 70% of the time in that truck). if you've never been to cities like sydney or melbourne (like us), you need to extend this itinerary by at least 5 more days. spend 2 extra days in each city, please, for me T.T haha.

Britz 6-berth Frontier motorhome

back on the pros and cons, again, i'm just sharing a few thoughts of mine.

pros:
  1. we're totally new to the whole caravan/motorhome thing, so this was quite an experience. you get to park at campsites and sometimes at totally cool places (i got to spend many mornings chasing sunrises at the beach, 'cause we parked right beside it). not something a hotel can offer.

  2. communal living. we have a kitchen and toilet with us (but i didn't use the toilet AT ALL because it can get quite smelly). this is a pro if you're close with the people you're traveling with - you get to know them even closer! :P

  3. the view you get when traveling over a distance with a car is much, much more exciting than a plane. after all it's the journey that matters, not the destination :P

  4. if you don't have a strict itinerary, whenever you find a place that interests you, you can just park and go out! this was what we did on the way to canberra, we ended up in a nice coffee shop in the middle of nowhere lol. not something you'd find in a tourist guide book :)

the kind of views you get :)

botak hills, vast fields, and ponds

to the right is the kitchen (complete with fridge, microwave, heater, toaster, stove, sink)
at the back of that sofa is a toilet
i'm taking this picture from a double bed installed above the driver's area
the table can be dismantled and a makeshift double bed can be arranged
at the back of the motorhome is another double bed which can again, be arranged into a dining area
storage compartments are everywhere!

cons:
  1. fuel prices. in australia the price differs from one station to another, and sometimes you just don't want to spend time comparing prices. 

  2. those drives can be loooong. we spend about two-thirds of our day in the motorhome, getting from one place to another. we get up, get moving, spend around 4-5 hours sightseeing, and then get moving again. i wouldn't suggest driving from melbourne to gold coast ever again, especially not in such a short time. 

  3. communal living. yeah.. this goes both ways. i didn't get any alone time except in showers, which was quite terrible because i'm a loner. cramped space is to be expected, but it doesn't feel that cramped to me.

  4. make sure you have enough change of drivers that are comfortable with driving a vehicle the size of an ice truck. it gets tricky once you hit the big cities. the freeways are long and straight and with a speed limit of 90km/h, they can induce a yawn in 15 minutes, guaranteed.

filling up the tank

parking takes up two parking spots
a tip: once you get into the city, park the motorhome somewhere,
and explore the city using public transportation.
saves all that parking hassle.

i can't comment budget-wise, because my dad handled all that jyeahh :P

which one would be cheaper? basically you need to factor in the costs for motorhome rent, powered site rent, and fuel vs hotel room rates and transportation costs.

it probably gets cheaper if you have an itinerary like ours, since we cover major distances and camping site rents normally doesn't exceed AUD 150 (per night for 6 person!)

powered sites are important since you'll need power to run the electricity in the motorhome at night.. that's the time you get to charge all your gadgets you gadget-addicts! lol.

usually powered sites are located at camping sites, so you also get to use their amenities - laundry, swimming pool, toilets and showers, etc etc..

out of the car and into the beach..

we stayed in these parks:

1) albury all seasons tourist park
2) shellharbour beachside tourist park
3) edgewater holiday park, port macquarie
4) broadwater tourist park, gold coast

last but not least:
glossary! :P
caravan = is a home in itself. you drive a normal car and attach the caravan to the back of your car.
motorhome = you drive a home. easy peasy.

goodbye ice truck.
thanks for a wonderful one week :)